Monday

Love y'all

Update: My 14 year old, amazing yet naive, son “sat me down” and asked that I not make such a quick decision.

Last week his dad was kicked out of his girlfriend's home due to relapse and mental and emotional abuse. The same reason we divorced when my son was 2. He thought of her kids as his own siblings and he is going through a pretty rough time. This would be three big life changes in a short period and we all know about THE BIG THREE. Losing that side of his family, moving out and into a trailer, and practically losing the only dad and stability he has ever had.

He asked me to talk to Max, who has shown no remorse for his actions so far. He also told me that if I ultimately decide to leave, he will respect it, but wants visitation from his step dad. Because he has “been there for me more than my own dad”.

So…he is almost home, and we will talk. I still have one foot out the door and it all depends on what he decides to say. I will keep you all updated.

---

Today has been really hard. It's been a while since I've been dehydrated from crying, but I got my electrolytes and water.

I believe the worst thing about deciding to walk away, is that he didn't ask me to stay.

I'm getting through my first day of the new job. I already knew my supervisor so I told her I wasn't doing so well today and she started my day with a massive hug.

Now I'm at lunch. Spending some time alone on a bench outside. Allowing myself some tears before I go back in.

My vision is clearing a little to the plan I will take. When I told my mom I plan on staying a trailer park and either buying at THOW or trailer, she responded with “You don't want to raise your son in a trailer park!”

Thanks mom.

That's all I can afford.

I have nothing.

Nothing.

But yes, remind me how much this all sucks as I'm trying to tell you how I plan on getting out of this fucking mess the only way I know how.

Thanks to all of the lovely support you all have given me.